Not Everyone Can Be The Main Attraction (And That’s Okay)
Bible Verse
4 I rescued you from Egypt, where you were slaves. I sent Moses, Aaron, and Miriam to be your leaders. Micah 6:4
Have you ever been to a theater production where sound, lights, music, and smooth set changes combine seamlessly to create an immersive experience? If you have, you know the importance of an excellent backstage crew. While the actors on stage receive all the glory, the backstage crew works quietly behind the scenes. Actors and backstage crew are equally vital for a successful show.
Children might sometimes feel like the backstage crew to their “star” siblings or friends. Adults are good at assigning labels like “go-getter” or “dreamer” to identify outward behavior without acknowledging the gift of the child’s temperament, causing a child to feel unremarkable.
Miriam must have felt her labels too:
- She was a girl in a patriarchal society.
- She was an enslaved person in an oppressive monarchy.
- She was a child in an authoritarian civilization.
But God saw her labels differently. He saw:
- a girl who could guard over her brother because she went unnoticed.
- an enslaved person who was an independent thinker and an excellent problem-solver.
- a child who bravely used her voice for justice.
Whether we are quiet workers like Miriam or vocal leaders like Moses and Aaron, God sees the promise in each of us. In Micah 6:4, the Lord lists Moses, Aaron, and Miriam equally as leaders, even though they each had different callings. Similarly, as parents, we can see and confirm the promise in each of our children.
Ways to confirm our children's strengths:
Model: We can live out our calling and pursue our passions. When we use our individual gifts, we teach our kids it is okay for them to use theirs.
Encourage: Let’s point out the good in our kids! I can tell one child, “I appreciate how you think things through before you commit,” while saying to the other, “I am inspired by your bravery to try many different things.” These seemingly opposite statements are true because my children’s temperaments differ, but their decisions are equally worthy! Rather than comparing, we can point out our children’s specific strengths, acknowledging the value of each child.
Empower: We can empower our kids by teaching them vocabulary like “You are a good problem-solver.” Furthermore, we can offer opportunities for them to develop their strengths. For example, saying, “Let’s plan for what you can do next time…” helps them develop future strategies. Actively listening to them and asking questions like “How can I help you to grow in…?" makes kids feel seen, supported, and empowered.
Pray: Miriam was never the star. Even in adulthood, she supported Moses. Equally valuing this role can be difficult. (Let’s be honest, we want our kids to be the stars!) The most important step we can take to value our kids’ purpose is to set the right expectations in our hearts.
Please join me in my favorite parenting prayer:
“Father God, please give me the wisdom to parent my children so they may become the persons you created them to be, not who I think they should be. Help me step out of the way so that your purposes may be fulfilled. Amen.”
Want to do a deep dive? Check out Family Fire's article Helping Kids Discover Their Gifts.
Amanda Smith
Amanda Smith is a high school English teacher, writer, and poet. She lives in Massachusetts with her husband and two children. When she is not teaching or writing, she likes to do pottery, read loads of books, and bike the tree-lined roads of her town. You can find more of Amanda’s writing at https://www.amandasmithwrites.com and her blogs about the craft of writing for children at http://www.24carrotwriting.com.
